By: Ashruti Baranwal (LT HE)
This piece is purely written based on my experiences, observations & self-introspection. Opinions expressed have nothing to do with any specific person or situation. Do spare some time to read this & let me know if it makes sense.
Anger!!!!….What is it after all? I have been questioning myself since my childhood, may be since the time I didn’t even know this emotion is called Anger.
Let’s rewind our life by 25 – 30 years (Ya I am that old). Who Am I? Am I a boy or a girl? Am I a daughter or a son? Am I a person called by some name? Do I belong to some caste, some religion? Do I fall in some category of some socio economic strata? Who am I in the end? As per my understanding, we are living beings who desire to be happy, without any misery. If that’s the core we want from our life then why this misery, why this suffering?
Have we ever thought about it?
“EXPECTATIONS”- Origin of Anger. One of the unhealthiest emotions is our old friend ANGER.
Let us dwell upon this more & explore. What are the reasons which make you angry? Lets try listing down some of our beliefs we live with:
My colleague did not do things according to what I wanted her to do.
My Immediate superior doesn’t understand my situation & have unrealistic expectations from me.
I want my friend to help me whenever I need him or her
How can he do this to me?
How can he hurt my sentiments?
How can he disrespect me?
I want my kids to excel & score good marks and a top position in school
Want my son/daughter to do his Engineering/MBA from an A+ institute.
My kids don’t listen to me.
My wife/husband never understand me
He/she hurt my ego & self esteem
This is how I work. People have to work according to my style.
This person never completes his work until and unless I shout at him.
He spoke to me in an angry tone & if I don’t react he will think that I am weak.
And the list can go on and on………… I am sure you all can relate to these questions/statements & must be wondering what’s new in this? Trust me you will find the same old stuff which we all know. Difference is just my own style & way of describing Anger. If we all knew what anger is then why someone asked me to write on Anger Management? Because deep in our hearts we all feel & know that overcoming it is the most challenging part or I should say a journey of self-discovery which is simple but not easy.
Glancing through the questions which I wrote above, what is one thing in common which makes us behave & think in this fashion? Isn’t it clear that we are the one who is ringing the bell by expecting it from others? It’s easier said than done. This is what you must be thinking right? Trust me, it’s not. Though I am not an expert in this but with whatever little experience I have, I have felt the difference in myself.
It starts with the realisation that we do have the choice to think and feel the way we want to. If we look at what it is that makes us angry we might discover there is nothing that has the power to make us feel this way. We can only allow something to trigger our anger. But because we are so used to reacting on impulse, we forget to choose how we want to feel and then respond inappropriately, leaving ourselves with angry feelings.
Few simple tips which can help one reduce anger:
Freedom to choose: We always have two options. Pause for a while & think do I have any other option than to shout and get angry?
Self-introspect – Take out ten minutes time daily to understand what you feel & why you feel. Is there any baggage from the past?
Meditate for atleast ten mins daily.
Follow your passion like sports, music, dance, reading, writing, etc.
Spend time with your family members & friends; whosoever makes you feel happy & positive from inside. Just love them & smile.
Avoid people who bring in negative influence on you. Just stay away from them. In case the situation is such where you have no option but to face them like family members or your team members or immediate superior, try to spend less time with them. Try to engage yourself in some activity which keeps you away from negative thoughts. Love them anyway.
We need to understand that the fight is with ourselves & not with others. Getting angry is affecting us. In technical terms when a person is in a state of anger, the body secretes hormones like cortisol & adrenaline. Too much secretion of these hormones can lead to serious issues.
We can never control circumstances, people or situations, as they are constantly changing. The only thing we can control is the way we choose to respond. We can increase our capacity to tolerate, we can develop our ability to understand and can nurture our love for others regardless of whether one day they praise me and the next they defame me.
Must be sounding like a GYAN of some spiritual teacher but with great humility, I request all to try it, experience it and then come to any conclusion. After all it’s about us & we can be little selfish in taking a call to experience things which will make us happy, feel healthy, feel awesome.