Self Dependence

By Nishtha Garg (L&T MHPS Boilers, Hazira)


Let’s start with answering a few questions about yourself. Do you

  1. Always need your partner/friend to accompany you wherever you go like shopping or to watch amovie? Does going alone make you feel awkward?
  2. Constantly expect your life partner to make you happy and his/her mood affects yours as well?
  3. Feel like a nobody when you are not appreciated at work?
  4. Feel hurt when people don’t invite you to their birthday/anniversary parties?
  5. Have a lot of expectations from your close ones and feel disappointed by them quite often?
  6. Grab your favourite food/chocolate bars/ice-cream to pacify you, when you feel sad/agitated/disappointed?

If you have answered “Yes” to a majority of the questions, don’t worry, you are only “Human”. We often depend on others for love, approval and appreciation. We are all needy. We all need others to solve our problems.

Let’s admit it. Human beings are social animals, we need people. But, you know what? You need yourself the most. Why do we look past the fact that we have ourselves, as our own best friend? We have so much to offer to ourselves. Our own company, our selfless love, who knows our strengths and weakness better than us? I personally feel, that even if your life may be a mess, and when nobody stands by your side, YOU STILL HAVE YOURSELF AND YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH!!!


Don’t get me wrong, dependency doesn’t equate to any form of  weakness. Dependency is good, as long as you have a balanced independence.

Be comfortable in your own skin:

  • It’s okay to have meals alone, be it at home or a restaurant
  • You don’t have to cancel your shopping/movie plans just because you don’t have company
  • It’s absolutely normal to  take a solo trip to an unknown city and explore it by yourself. Walk around and love your own company
  • It’s okay to go for a walk in a park or sit in a cafe with a book and sip your coffee, all by yourself. If you don’t like reading, try learning a new language, join a club, gym, swimming, drive and enjoy the weather by yourself. There is so much to do, other than whiling your weekend away in your room, just because you don’t have company?
  • Firstly accept the fact, that being alone in a public place is absolutely normal.

It simply means you enjoy your own company and find peace in it

Control/Channelize your emotions:

  • Voicing your feelings to other people is a good thing but do you think that everyone cares? I doubt anybody apart from your really close ones do, they too will get immune to it, if you keep whining all the time
  • Let’s learn to control voicing our emotions like “Feeling tired, hungry, pain, boredom etc”. Nothing is going to change anyway even if you tell them to others all the time. Don’t be a Robot though but voice out the ones that really matter

Get Comfortable with being Uncomfortable:

  • Get out of your comfort zone.
  • You don’t know driving, learn it.
  • Fear of public speaking? submit your name as a speaker for the very next event.
  • Acrophobic? Try paragliding, rappelling, or other such sports.
  • Scared of talking to a person, you have an eye for? Just go say “Hi”. That’s all it takes to get going.
  • Yes, I get you, it’s scary but you will figure it out. You always do. We all have that inner strength to face our fears. Life is too short to stick to things that you already know. Learn new ones, develop new habits, and explore new places.
  • Don’t let this comfort zone make you its slave.

And lastly, don’t let others bitter words, taunts, sarcasm comments spoil your mood. Nobody can make you angry unless you let them. Don’t let them take away your peace for something that hardly matters.

Ask yourself, was it a bad day or just the bad 5 minutes that you milked all day?

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